I have been shocked and surprised by the comments people (many of them close friends and family) since I found out I was having twins, early in Tri1. One of my close friends said to me in the same conversation I told her the news "oh but yes there's that vanishing twin syndrome isn't there?" I of course knew that and had just been filled with dread and doubt at the hospital so just did not need to hear it from anyone else.
Then from early on I was told I was at risk of losing Twin2 and a friend said to me, trying to comfort me, a mental health worker "well I guess humans just aren't designed to have twins." I was also told by several people to "focus on the strong one." I restrained myself... but really you would never say that to someone with two children if one was ill so why is it OK to say it in utero. From the moment I laid eyes on them my heart and focus has been entirely fixed on willing that both will be born in good health. I don't have the option of picking and choosing which one I care about most.
I also have lots of people who love to tell me (often in the same conversation that I am announcing they are twins) that I must never dress them the same (actually I might do sometimes, I will teach them how to celebrate their unique sameness as much as their difference), that they must be in different classes at school (because of course there is lots of evidence that unecessarily separating them from their most natural support system is beneficial - NOT), that they are likely to have underdeveloped speech (this last one is a misnomer and the only reason why twins are more likely to have slower speech development is because they are at higher risk of preemie birth and the developmental milestones preemie babies should be but often aren't measured from their gestational due date rather than DOB).
I also get lots of people who ask if I used IVF. I didn't, but really, is my fertility any of your business?!
People are strange. I think in pregnancy social boundaries shift in a peculiar way anyway - so like suddenly it's OK to make comments about your weight or your skin. With twins then that shift seems to occur ten fold.
I feel utterly blessed to be having two babies so please stop pissing on my fireworks.
