Saturday 19th February
I climb out of the bath and sit on the loo. More spotting. Your sister is here with her friend, lively electric about her night out. I creep back to the bedroom.
I am reading about vanishing twin syndrome on the internet again. Apparently 1 in 5 twin pregnancies which are detected very early on result in VTS. I don't even want to say those words. They make me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.
The internet offers trite and meaningless advice. One website advises that "it's best not to get too excited" about the idea of a twin pregnancy if you find out about it in the first few weeks. I think about how easily those words flowed from the fingers of that writer. One of my friends pointed out the same in a very matter of fact way. Sure, because my emotions are programmed to just take on board that wonderful reality and weave it through the hard-wired attachment.
My sister tells me that they use scans to help form attachments between Mothers who abuse alcohol and drugs as they are proven to fuse a bond and responsibility. At least it's normal to feel attached.
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